NEGATIVITY: How to Fight Back

Are you living with daily doses of pessimism in your relationship? Feeling dismissed, when all you want, is to be heard?

When negativity enters a relationship daily despair is not far behind.

No relationship can grow, can deepen, or survive when negativity is the focal point.

With the constant drain of negativity in a relationship, the special meaning of the relationship feels lost.

Typical negative behaviors include hostility and criticism, causing distance, the “silent treatment,” and a lack of trust in a relationship.

Harville Hendrix, PhD., and author of “Getting the Love You Want” says negativity in a relationship can be stopped. He and his wife Helen did an experiment to help save their own marriage. They created a daily ritual by spending 10 minutes each evening, telling each other all the ways they appreciated one other.

This experiment proved to be effective in the long term, due to one rule to which the Hendrix’s adhered. Each person had to think of three things that they appreciated about their partner. And, there could be no repeat of an appreciation stated from the day before.

These shared daily appreciations not only deepened their relationship, but it also renewed their love.

Are you teetering between renewal and divorce in your relationship due to negative exchanges?

A negative attitude is abusive. It creates conflict and is linked to negative impacts on mental health.

According to a study conducted in 2000, by the Journal of the American Medical Association, negativity in a relationship can also increase the risk of coronary heart disease.

In this study, women who were under moderate to severe marital stress were 2.9 times more likely to suffer from heart attacks, or suffer from heart disease, than women who were not in marital stress.

This same study showed further evidence that single women living with a partner who caused them moderate to severe stress were also at higher risk of having heart problems.

If you choose to stay in a relationship where negativity plays such a major role in the way you relate to one another, it’s time to make some important decisions.

Start by considering what to do next in order to save or let go of your relationship.

Next, make the necessary changes to protect your health.

Begin with being more aware of what you are saying, the tone of voice you use, and the words you choose to express your thoughts. Find common ground to meet each other half way and have a conversation that is honest but also caring. Ignoring your loved one is not the answer. That silent treatment creates more division and strife.

Make a plan to supervise each other’s negative thinking and pessimistic behaviors. If being in love again truly matters, then get going and make the effort to return to a more positive rewarding relationship.

Lorna McCarty is a certified Relationship Success Strategist and founder of Phoenix Rising Relationship Coaching.

It is her mission to help women struggling in their relationships to find their value and live more in their own happiness.

For additional resources to support you and your relationship, join Lorna here for your weekly shot of Relationship Success Tip Tuesday!